10 Obstacles to a Healthy Sex Life — and How to Overcome Them
10 Obstacles to a Healthy Sex Life — and How to Overcome Them
We’re not saying everything you ever learned about sex is wrong. But a little perspective goes a long way. No sex life is 100% but the least we can do is make it better. lets take a look at the common obstacles we face in our sex 'world' .... and obviously how to overcome them !
Putting up with bad sex
Good sex makes you feel good about yourself. Bad sex has the opposite effect. Simple, huh? You’d be surprised.
As a sex therapist, I hear from lots of people who keep having sex even though the sex they’re having isn’t making them feel good about themselves. Most often, they’re just relieved that all the body mechanics are still working. They forget that sex is supposed to make you happy.
Believe it or not, there are ways to turn bad sex into better sex—sex that actually leaves you feeling good. But for now, let’s just say the most important thing you can do to cultivate good sex is to say “no” to sex that’s just not worth your time or energy.
Having sex when you’re not ready
Too many people have sex despite not being very turned on. They might be physically aroused, but that’s not the kind of arousal that counts. What counts is psychological arousal.
When you’re psychologically aroused, you become more infantile, more in-the-moment. If all goes well, your IQ drops and you become a bit more immature. Good love-making recalls our attachment to the first people who held us, rocked us, and told us we were wonderful. Hey, who wouldn’t want to go back there? Most adults get to be infantile like that only when they’re having sex.
So make sure you lose some IQ points in bed. Otherwise, why bother?
Not being selfish enough during lovemaking
We’re all reminded these days to make sure we pleasure our partners in bed. But some people overdo that part. The result is a lot of very boring sex. Sexual generosity that’s not accompanied by a certain kind of selfishness just isn’t very erotic.
Think about it: No hero in a romance novel ever rips off the heroine’s clothes and says, “Now tell me how you like to be touched.”
No, he just consumes her, like a delicious pastry. There’s a kind of selfishness at the heart of most sexual passion.
Ideally, you want to feel “selfishly connected” to your partner. That frees your partner to feel selfishly connected to you.
Sex feels too much like work
Remember, sex is infantile. To an infant, the word “work” has no meaning.
Some people try too hard to be good lovers. They spend too much time thinking about technique. That’s the source of a lot of boring sex.
Good technique is fine—and certainly better than bad technique. But technique has very little to do with great lovemaking.
The best sex has no goal in mind. Don’t worry about trying to turn your partner on. Instead, just enjoy your partner. Selfishly, because it feels good. That’s usually the best recipe for great sex.
Thinking that sex is all about the climax
A good sexual climax should be like dessert at the end of a good meal. Memorable, perhaps. But not really the reason you went out to dinner. The couples who have the best sex are the ones who don’t set orgasm as a goal.
It’s usually best to focus on turn-ons instead. Then, after you’ve eaten and enjoyed everything on your plate, suddenly the dessert tray appears and you realize, “OMG, I forgot! There’s gonna be dessert!”
Dessert is a sweet ending but by no means the whole show.