Sex Advice by Public Opinion
Any number of radio shows have segments on sex and relationships. The idea is that people call in or email their issue or concern and the radio personalities and other callers weigh in to tell you what they think and what they think you should do. Do you really think this is a good way to resolve a serious relationship issue or sexual frustrations?
The influence of public opinion affects where we eat, what hotel we stay in or what major appliance to buy. We search reviews from people who wanted to buy the exact same thing you did and based on the majority consensus or even just the most recent reviews we decide. We can’t treat our intimate relationships on the same level as take-out. Don’t get me wrong, there have been times when I was dating, and I wished I had gotten references upfront, but ALL opinions are biased. People will take their own life experiences and superimpose them on your situation. Even if by chance you and your friend dated the same person how they were with them isn’t “necessarily” the same way they will be with you. There are aspects of people that don’t change however when you become a couple, you are still uniquely you and they are still uniquely them, therefore making one new unique couple.
I’m of the opinion that, besides for the entertainment value, real people call these shows because they have no one to talk to and they fear direct judgement. Going to friends or family can potentially open you up to ridicule and now people you see regularly are in your business. Oh, and let’s not forget what happens if you forgive or reconcile. You may not carry a grudge but the people around you do and those quiet moments can be very uncomfortable. Even if you announce your issue on the radio, those people don’t know you and likely won’t be trying to ID you in a voice line up. You can take the options that make you feel like you’re right, dismiss the others and keep it moving. Let me tell you that both directions are wrong.
If you have a genuine concern about sex or intimacy in your relationship then the person you need to talk to is me, Shani Jones, Sexologist and Sex Coach. Most of us run into sex and intimacy issues in our relationships and when people need help, and aren’t reaching to call the nearest radio station, the common response is get counseling. Counseling is typically done by a therapist. Their job is to help find the root of your problem and resolve any deep emotional scars you may have surrounding it and then help you process your way to resolution. In severe cases, this is what is needed but for the most part many people just need a coach. Someone on your side to help you identify where you are today and get you where you want to be tomorrow. I am the person who won’t judge you and will be a safe container for you. It’s my job is to help you be the best person you can…because you want it and really wanting it is key. Whether you want to find ways to spice up your sexual interludes, have more confidence when you look in the mirror or talk to someone or even if you are struggling with your sexuality sometimes just being able to touch base with someone who gets you is enough.
Today, people seek coaches for all kinds of things; sports, music, finances, life. Why not sex? Those people who get other types of coaches do so because they want to step their games up and master the subject. Sometimes people have a natural gift, but practice makes perfect and practicing with a Sexologist, such as myself, can propel your sex game to the next level…if you want it.
Oh, and folks, do me a favor. Listen to your partners and stop taking everything so personally. If he or she says “Babe, I wish we…..” or “Honey, you don’t….” stop taking it as a complaint. They are simply telling you what would make them happy and they are asking you to help make them happy. No slight on you, unless you ignore. Don’t be so closed as to let little issues become relationship killers. Talk to a Sex Coach. Talk to me.