Sexual Concerns: Men and Women

You probably think you are alone in how you feel or what's going on in your relationship but I assure you that you are not. In fact, most sexual concerns can be applied to one or more general issues that have specific causes. The role of a sex coach is to help you identify your concern an develop an action plan to progress you beyond it. Below is a high level overview of the primary sexual concerns and causes for men and women. Couple's concerns will be addressed separately. Don't be surprised if you see overlap. Men and women aren't always on different ends of the spectrum. These should be seen as general guidelines. Your coach will help you identify your specific concerns.


The Nine Sexual Concerns of Men


Concern 1: Low or No Sexual Desire


Causes: Physical/physiological issues; psychological issues; mental issues, emotional issues; poor sexual performance issues; body image issues; intimacy issues; exhaustion or stress, and anxiety; sexual ignorance.


Concern 2: Early Ejaculation


Causes: Masturbation style; shyness or over excitement; performance anxiety; type-A personality.


Concern 3: Erectile Dysfunction


Causes: Blood flow issues; medications; psychological issues; relationship issues.


Concern 4: Delayed Ejaculation


Causes: Medical conditions; the man's intimacy issues; his partner's intimacy issues.


Concern 5: Sexual Inhibitions


Causes: Sex-negative messages; long-term virginity; negative sexual experiences


Concern 6: Body Dysphoria Issues


Causes: No bias for comparison or testing their attractiveness; uneven sexual desire in the relationship; being single and sexually inexperienced.


Concern 7: Social/Dating Skills Deficit


Causes: Shyness; inexperience; social awkwardness; inability to communicate verbally; emotional immaturity; attractiveness issues; lackluster personality.


Concern 8: Desire for Enhanced Pleasure


Causes: These men usually have a high sex drive and a desire to be better than other men and perhaps the knowledge that skills need to be tuned and refined over time.


Concern 9: Sexual Trauma


Causes: Sexual abuse/rape during childhood or an emotionally scarring sexual experience.



The Ten Sexual Concerns of Women


Concern 1: Low or No Sexual Desire


Causes: Aging; hormones; relationship conflicts and power struggle issues; body image issues; fatigue; history of sexual abuse or abuse/coercive relationship; unskilled lover/partner.


Concern 2: Preorgasmic Primary


Causes: Rigid and sexually repressive upbringing; childhood sexual abuse or shaming; ignorance about her body and sex in general; lack of privacy or poor boundaries in the family.


Concern 3: Preorgasmic Secondary


Causes: Lack of trust; fear of intimacy; inability to let go; an unskilled partner; insufficient mental arousal; lack of permission to express sexuality; a pattern of faking orgasm; sexual ignorance; poor communication skills with a partner.


Concern 4: Dyspareunia (Painful Sex)


Causes: Causes for pelvic and vulvar pain disorders may be physical but can also be psychological.


Concern 5: Vaginismus


Causes: Causes may be phychological or emotional but can sometimes stem from an intact hymen.


Concern 6: Sexual Inhibitions


Causes: Sex-negative messages; long-term virginity; negative sexual experiences (the same for men)


Concern 7: Body Dysphoria


Causes: No bias for comparison or testing their attractiveness; uneven sexual desire in the relationship; being single and sexually inexperienced (the same for men). Women tend to have idealized images of the female body or have specific issues with one or more parts of their body.


Concern 8: Social/Dating Skills Deficit


Causes: Shyness; inexperience; social awkwardness; inability to communicate verbally; emotional immaturity; attractiveness issues; lackluster personality (the same for men).


Concern 9: Desire for Enhanced Pleasure


Causes: This woman is free from baggage and devoted to personally expanding her sexual experiences.


Concern 10: Sexual Trauma


Causes: Sexual abuse/rape during childhood or an emotionally scarring sexual experience (the same for men).


Now that you have a general idea of what types of things can cause sexual concerns in men and women the next step if to work together to build an action plan to get you from here to there.


This topic will be discussed more during our open events.


Source: The Art of Sex Coaching - Dr. Patti Britton - Chapters 7 - 8






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