Below is a conversation between me and a male friend on 9/11/18 in a group we call The Town Council. Real names have been excluded to protect the “innocent”. The conversation is unedited so please excuse the typos. Weigh into the conversation and share your opinion.
KNKY: What's a highkey hoe?
C-Money: Opposite of lowkey, so proud to be a ho
KNKY: Define hoe
C-Money: If u have to ask, lol
KNKY: To me a hoe is synonymous with a prostitute. Some ppl think a woman who owns her sexuality and finds pleasure from whoever floats her boat is a hoe. What's your definition?
C-Money: Not that!!!!
C-Money: I think these days women want to say "they own" there sexuality is a slick way to say, i wanna be a man, i wanna do what men do, but in reality, u cant be a man, and fucking a whole bunch of niggas wont get u there, thats why black women are the least married out of her peers because she is to worried about showing independence and not embracing what the roles of men and women are.
C-Money: Yes, there is a double standard, but i am not naive to think women that women cant fuck who they want to fuck, before i left Jaz in Alabama, i said listen this is your second year, and i will tell u like i did the first, if u wanna be ho, go right ahead, i will never know, but u will, and everybody on csmpus will treat u as such, if u are ok with that, so be it. But u be ho. Cause u wanna be ho, not cause niggas are talking that smooth shit to fuck, fuck cause u wanna fuck
C-Money: Having said that, as an adult almost 50, i dont judge, but as a man i have the right to choose a chick that has fucked 5 niggas as oppose to 50
KNKY: Women don't want to be men however there are a lot of women who have to pick up the slack and be independent in order to sustain their households. Men set the initial rules around gender roles which is why you believe you have a right to impose a double standard. Men pick and choose what gender roles they want to apply. Husband, father, provider and protector is not at the top of the list for a lot of them, especially black men. Black women aren't pressed to settle when she's doing it all by herself anyway but that doesn't mean that we have to live by your rules or judgments because we choose to be happy or content in our circumstances.
KNKY: That is your right... your choice.... but by calling her a hoe when she reaches number 6 is judging her.
KNKY: It's the women who choose not to care what other ppl think that are empowered. Fuck you and your judgment. Trust.... everyone judging wouldn't want a mirror held up against their lives. Judgment is fear.
KNKY: That was a general fuck you. Love you C-Money
C-Money: Well personally, i can hold my own with a woman, so she doesnt feel like she is doing it all by herself, and so because im not looking to shack up so i can get over, my choice and preference is to make sure i choose between a girl i like but has revealed in some form or another, she has fucked alot of dudes, now if i cant ascertain that info right away. Then i will go with the flow, but i believe a woman should be cherished, and they are special, and they shouldnt be trying to compete with my scorecard, i dont want to be with a female version of me
C-Money: But as a man, why cant i pick the kinda girl i want for me, and not be called judgemental. If i said i want to find a virgin, as hard as that may be, if thats my preference why judge me? I want a woman that no dicks have been inside banging in and out
KNKY: Its judgemental to classify her as a hoe based on her sexual activity. I've had several intimate relationships as an adult that didn't work out. I should just stop trying to meet a good man because I've been with others before him? My lifestyle "hoeish" cuz of my numbers and my numbers don't reflect my self worth. All i can say to that is... if you met the woman of your dreams and she was literally everything you wanted but said... you've been with too many women for her to consider you makes her judgemental. We grow through our experienced and I'd hope lessons learned are treated as a triumph and not a noose.
C-Money: I did not say that. A woman who has "dated" alot is not necessarily a ho. Like u said u have dated guys, but unfortunately they did not work out. But if in college, or u at chuch, or work, fucking alot of dudes, and dudes are bumping heads, or all the dudes know u at the club or the karoake bar, bitch u ho. But i still want to fuck u, cause u easy and i can bust a nut and get my dick sucked. Thats what i mean women can never be men, a woman dont roll like that, most women dont roll like that, and please dont tell me u have not classified a chick as a ho and frowned upon that kind of behavior from women
C-Money: Now, if i met a girl, a woman at this age, and she was seemingly the right one, yes if i keep hearing about her fucking this dude, and that dude, and the nigga in Florida thst one time, yes i will either bresk up with her, or fall back and put her in "ho, weekend only" status
KNKY: I probably have demeaned a woman by calling her a hoe, and a believe certain women who have irresponsible sexual practices due to low self esteem put themselves in a position to be stigmatized as a hoe. There is a difference though in a woman fucking cuz she feels like it and one fucking cuz she needs to. And you don't listen. Your soul mate is leaving you for the number of women you've been with and for no other reason. To her, she couldn't look past or through that to know the man you've become. Every woman you fucked has helped shape the man that you are and i don't think you'd feel good being disregarded for something you think is, at least for men, an expected behavior. We struggle for equal rights but still have to fight double standards. It's not right that black men have to suffer discrimination. Its no better black women have to fight similar discrimination, especially from our black men.
C-Money: The problem with that argument is that black women, good black women put up with bullshit from black men, and they not even hoes. They are respectable women but they dont value themselves enough to really find a good man who will do those things u said earlier, not necessarily take care of her but at least lighten the load. The hoes and ratchetness are winning, all the influences and images of black women are RHOA, RHOP, Cardi B and Nikki and video hoes, Cookie. Lololololol
KNKY: Women are typically hopeful for a relationship but that doesn't mean they don't wanna fuck in the pursuit. We have sexual desires that don't have anything to do with a man. Not everyone is Claire Huxtable but that's what y'all expect. Hold to expectations that don't take all information into consideration. Women are represented by media controlled by men. Very few can overcome it but it's happened. Women in general have been forced to be viewed as sex symbols in order to generate drive sales and generate revenue. Black men are portrayed as thugs, ignorant, lazy and criminals. Doesn't make it true across the board. I don't know half the women you named but they did what they had to for their success. A man would be celebrated. Double standards shouldn't be given life to continue along the same path. Shit has to change.
KNKY: Lol...RH... Real Housewives? Yeah, i don't watch that shit. That's not real life for anyone. Entrainment purposes only.
C-Money: Well, yes most men want a respectable woman, not a hoe, and every man has their own measuring stick of what their criteria is. At this age obviously, it does not matter when it really might have played roll dating 20 maybe 10 years ago. But if u happen for some reason to get a girls count, most men will determine to proceed or not, just like there are still women who take pride in their body count being low. Nothing agaisnt the high body counters, but i think we all know what a ho is, women even call men hoes, so i think we know who the hoes are, lol
KNKY: Smh....i will continue to pray for your enlightenment
KNKY: Since we don't say names.... can i post this conversation? I am doing the video and blog on female sexual empowerment based on this conversation. U inspire me.
C-Money: Lolololololol used me
C-Money: I want 10cents for every download
KNKY: I got you. You may have to go on retainer.
C-Money: Glad to be of service, i think, lol