What is Intellectual Intimacy ?

Intellectual intimacy refers to people's comfort with communicating beliefs and viewpoints without worrying about potential conflicts. Each person in the relationship has the freedom to think for themselves and believes that their opinions are valued—instead of feeling pressured to agree.


This atmosphere encourages stimulating conversation. You feel closer to the person who cares for you and respects your voice independent of differences.


Examples of intellectual intimacy:

  • Partners debate the importance of a college education. Neither feels the need to be "right." They just enjoy hearing the other person's rationale.

  • A couple disagrees about which actor played the best Joker. Each person understands that their theory is strictly opinion-based and enjoys the back-and-forth.

  • Spouses discuss the purpose of existence. They don't believe there's a concrete answer to the question, "What's the meaning of life?" Each entertains ideas they may not have considered otherwise.

  • A couple reads and discusses a book together. The two are eager to compare their takeaways instead of telling one another what the author meant.





The term sapio-sexual refers to someone who finds intelligence sexually attractive or arousing. Allowing for thought-provoking conversation that challenges each person's ideas is another formidable method of bonding in a relationship—as long as no one feels personally attacked.


How to increase intellectual intimacy:


You can create more intellectual intimacy by sparking discussions where you and your partner have different perspectives. Make a conscious effort to have these talks without growing defensive or angry. Disagreement isn't a requirement. You can discuss ideas and abstract concepts that you're exploring together. You can each also take on a teacher role by sharing information where you may be more of an expert to increase your partner's awareness on a topic. This type of intimacy is about connecting through logic and philosophical expression. The brain is our biggest sex organ and requires a bit of stimulation from time to time.

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